Source: House of Mirrors
This video features Frank Ochberg, MD discussing What is a Psychopath? Doctor Ochberg is one of the founding fathers of modern psychotraumatology, and has helped to define and research post-traumatic stress disorder. His work is directed toward helping the victims of psychopaths/narcissists, and his approach (expressed in this blog post here ) is one of compassion, understanding and validation of the victim.
I’ve posted Dr. Ochberg’s video because it’s the best I’ve found that explains how the psychopath’s nature and motivation is really no different than the malignant narcissists. Particularly, when sadism enters the picture. Dr. Ochberg’s most significant point – in my opinion – is that it is potentially deadly to go through life ignorant that psychopaths exist. He urges us to protect ourselves.
I would recommend watching his other videos on PTSD and Depression, Trauma Memories, Non-lethal Events Triggering PTSD etc. I have a lot of respect for this man. He’s one of the few who is on the right side of the war – the victim’s side. I also agree with his stance on the word evil, and use of the word evil. For many people, the word “evil” conjures up something in the spiritual realm. Although I believe malignant narcissists are morally, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt, my use of the word “evil” is not in a heaven and hell sense, or a god or the devil kind of way. I’m with Ochberg in that it’s just the best word to describe these “people.”
What’s also potentially deadly is to go through life refusing to believe these “people” could ever be a family member. The disturbing REALITY of malignant narcissism can be very difficult to accept, but there are dire consequences of allowing one of these “people” to remain in your life. I have received one too many emails from readers who are on the run, living in fear, and being stalked by a malignant narcissist parent(s). The MN is no longer just a threat to their emotional and psychological health, but a dangerous threat to the very fabric of their existence; including their physical safety. Their stories are Cautionary Tales of law enforcement, lawyers, detectives, restraining orders, suicide attempts, anxiety disorders, PTSD, financial ruin, job loss, kidnapping, ransoms, blackmail, slander, harassment, hiding out in hotel rooms and the list goes on. This stuff is real. I know, I’ve lived it. There is no rock bottom to the level of malevolance in a malignant narcissist.
They are so gratuitously mean, calculating, spiteful and malicious, and all without motive. They methodically and systematically go about destroying their victim’s life by wreaking havoc that is so severe, the damage is often irreparable. That, to me, is far more sinister than simply picking-up a gun and blowing a person’s head off. If you let a malignant narcissist near you, at the very least, you will live in constant fight or flight mode and this state of being is so taxing on the nervous system that it could cause other life threatening illnesses.I posted Kathy Krajco’s article “Self-Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse” because it clearly illustrates the dangers of malignant narcissism, how narcissistic abuse is indistinguishable from psychopathic behaviour, and why it is so critical to sever all contact with these monsters. One of the key points of Kathy’s article is that the ultimate narcissistic high is to demonstrate absolute power over the victim by somehow making the victim offer themselves up for abuse (bend over for it). This is the kind of power that psychopaths lust after. This is the type of power my MN mother and MN sister want over me.
So, to be blunt, it you are in a relationship with a malignant narcissist, then you are sacrificing your SELF for the narcissist’s sadistic pleasures. Believe me when I say; you can NEVER have a relationship with a malignant narcissist unless they are in absolute control, and that means you are their subservient whipping horse. I don’t care how the narcissist dresses up the abuse, or how fancy the façade of their sadism, or how crafty and cunning their crimes. The reality is this: malignant narcissists are only in relationships with people that allow themselves to be abused and exploited in some way.
As Kathy Krajco wrote in “Self-Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse”
The art of narcissistic abuse is about the skill in making the victim offer himself up to abuse.
In this way, the malignant narcissist’s mind-set is no different than a psychopath. The narcissist’s greatest victory is to abuse, and abuse, and abuse and have their victim come back for more. It brings to mind the comedy Animal House where the fraternity pledges bend-over for it and shout, “Please sir, can I have another!” while the head frat boy whacks them on the bare ass with a paddle. Talk about degrading. But this is no comedy. This is real life, and this sick pleasure is what the malignant narcissist wants and NEEDS. Though it doesn’t have to look like the scene from the film Animal House for the narcissist to satiate their craving for power over you. And remember, the level of abuse escalates with every opportunity.
I was going to title this post “Sadistic” Malignant Narcissists are Psychopaths, but that would be redundant. ALL malignant narcissists are sadists, and this is why they are indistinguishable from sadistic psychopaths. ALL malignant narcissists are predators, in that they go out of their way to deliberately inflict pain and suffering. The more they hurt others, the better they feel. This is why they are indistinguishable from psychopaths.
Malignant narcissism is about sadistic, twisted malice. They might not leave bloody body parts lying around but they do things so abhorrent, so depraved, and so diabolical that in many ways they are more dangerous than the out of control psychopathic serial killer. For example, it’s far more gratifying for the malignant narcissist – and much safer – to murder someone by driving them to suicide. That’s absolute power. That’s the ultimate narcissistic high. And it’s so much more aggrandizing to the narcissist than plain old fashioned murder. Besides, the malignant narcissist probably feels above the actual act of murder. What they get off on, is having so much power over another person that they can will their victim to do the killing for them. Or, they drain the victim of their life force leaving them a hollow, walking dead Zombie. How’s that for God-like power? Taking life without getting your hands bloodied takes real skill in mind-control, and manipulation and it’s much more satisfying knowing that you will never be viewed as a lowly murderer.
It’s all about power for the malignant narcissist, and it’s not about power for good, it about power for evil, or power for its own sake. Like the psychopath, the narcissist’s drug of choice is POWER and CONTROL over others.
I know all about this. I’ve lived it. My malignant narcissist mother tried to destroy me physically (murder) by using covert suggestions that I commit suicide. I swear, I would find her far less dangerous if she came at me with a butcher knife. There is nothing more sinister, more sadistic or more NARCISSISTIC than someone deluding themselves into thinking they are so POWERFUL they can CONTROL their victim into carrying-out their own murderous impulses. A malignant narcissist trying to manipulate their victim to suicide is also the ultimate in PROJECTION! They try to dump their homicidal obsessions into you by way of self-masochism. The MN bitch’s evil plan didn’t work on me. She only proved herself to be more of a threat so I stayed farther away. But all too often it works.
Malignant narcissists crave POSSESSION, and ENSLAVEMENT of their victim. ABSOLUTE POWER over another is NIRVANA for the narcissist. The kind of power where the victim serves themselves up as an object for the narcissist’s sadistic pleasure is what they live for. This is the POWER RUSH of grandiosity the malignant narcissist is always chasing. It’s the ultimate form of degradation of the victim, and the ultimate high for the narcissist. Malignant narcissists are sadists. They enjoy your pain. We’ve all seen that little smile and evil smirk.
Never forget that malignant narcissists, like psychopaths, elect to switch the conscience and empathy button to off for EVERYONE but themselves. And I mean EVERYONE. Even their own children, and even their own parents. I know for a fact that neither my malignant narcissist sister nor malignant narcissist mother give a damn about each other. One would think these two bitches are the others biggest supporter and protector, but at the end of the day, they are malignant narcissists.
EVERYONE is just an object to the malignant narcissist, including their fellow malignant narcissist counterparts and accomplices. Not one single motivation of the malignant narcissist is concerned about anyone else’s well-being, including their beloved “Golden Child”. Malignant narcissists are absolutely incapable of the true emotion of love and compassion for any other human being. So if you think the malignant narcissist parents loves the golden child, think again. From where I sit, the malignant narcissist sees the golden child as nothing more than an “object” of narcissistic supply. So if someone threatens their supply, it may seem like they’re out to protect the golden child, but in reality they’re just protecting themselves. The MN parent may go out of their way to dote over, and promote the golden child but all they are doing is doting over, promoting and protecting their narcissistic stash that they can’t live without, and that they rely on for a boost.
Malignant narcissists wish no one well so the only way the malignant narcissist will show simulated affection for you, is if the malignant narcissist has internalized you as an object of “special” “narcissistic supply.” Scapegoats have been internalized more as a tool for the narcissist to use and abuse as they please. But everyone’s an object to the narcissist; it’s just a matter of what type of value you hold as an object. For example, A lowly tool (the scapegoat) that is available for cruelty and abuse provides an amazing power high to the narcissist and is extremely valuable, but is held in contempt. The object of special narcissistic supply that can glorify the narcissist’s fragile image is also extremely valuable, yet coveted and protected. The malignant narcissist does not want to lose either of these objects. They both satisfy very significant narcissistic needs. However, the narcissist is going to take much better care of a Mercedes than they would a screwdriver. And, if the MN parent treats their child as both, they will degrade the child and aggrandize the child, and they will have created one messed-up psyche. I call my MN sister, my MN mother’s Frankendaughter. This is a fact, and it’s one that in many ways smells like sweet justice to me as far as my malignant narcissist mother and sister are concerned. I understand they don’t love or care for one another. They’re incapable of it. They’re malignant narcissists. They desperately need one another, but need is not love. They are dependent on one another, but dependency is not love. The view each other as tools to use and abuse, and as narcissistic supply to feed on.
My MN mother and MN sister exploit each other, they use each other, they cling to each other, feed off each other, and they take and take and take from one another without one ounce of concern as to whether their devouring nature is killing the other. I think this is one of the reason why they are severely mentally disturbed. They are eating each other alive.
Damn! Do they deserve one another. In fact, it comes close to the best punishment I can think of for a malignant narcissist: to be fed on by another malignant narcissist.A malignant narcissist doesn’t give a crap about anyone but itself. If you can’t grasp that simple reality then you will probably end up being controlled and abused by one as long as it has access to you. If you expend one ounce of energy sympathizing for the plight of the poor malignant narcissist because they didn’t choose to be that way, or you excuse or justify its behavior, or assign the abuse excuse as the cause of its wretched ways, then you will continue to suffer under their tyranny. Believe me when I say, there is no help for these monsters. All signs point to malignant narcissism being a choice. I repeat. Malignant narcissists make a conscious decision to harm others. It’s simple. They are what they are. If you can’t accept the reality of malignant narcissism then you cannot successfully deal with these predators and they will have you eating out of their hands. And by successfully dealing with them, I mean: getting the hell away from them, and making damn sure they have NO ACCESS to you.
Another thing to remember about malignant narcissists is that you are dealing with a sadist that has the mentality of a three year old child. They are impulsive, irresponsible, and unreasonable and they feel entitled to do as they please – as long as they can get away with it. They have no regrets, no remorse, they don’t get embarrassed, or feel guilt or shame. As a result, morality has no more influence on a malignant narcissist than it would a child at a pre-conscience stage of development. Scary stuff. This is what makes malignant narcissists dangerous and evil, and unfit for human interaction.
You are but a pretty doll in the nasty child’s hand, and they will yank your head off without a second thought….You are but a putrid bug in the nasty child’s hand, and they will pluck your legs off just to watch you squirm. Sounds like a psychopath doesn’t it? As far as I’m concerned, malignant narcissists and psychopaths are one and the same.
When narcissists slither along the continuum beyond deception into contemptible exploitation, despicable opportunism, delusional malice, and unmitigated vindictiveness then they have reached the stage of MALIGNANT and have sunk to the inhuman levels of the psychopath. At this stage, they are SADISTIC, and diabolically so. They act out their cruelest fantasies of a vindictive triumph, in effect saying, “I will frustrate, outwit, and defeat you no matter what it takes!”
And I have heard one too many stories of this psychopathic drive toward a vindictive triumph being played-out by a malignant narcissist mother (and, or father) against their adult child. And there’s no stopping this little old granny because she’s a MALIGNANT NARCISSIST and she has nothing to lose. I repeat: A MALIGNANT NARCISSIST WITH NOTHING TO LOSE IS A DEADLY FORCE.
Let’s just forget about the little old granny called “mother” part for a second…
A malignant narcissist is a creature that ignores the normal limits of human behaviour, and if they have nothing to lose they will stop at nothing to win the game of cat and mouse. And since they have no capacity to empathize with anyone, nothing restrains them from seriously harming others. Malignant narcissists don’t need a motive or a reason to hurt others. They just destroy to continue to feel superior, and from their point of view, their malice is justified because of their pathological need to dominate.
We should always be judging patterns of behaviour. It’s a person’s behavioural pattern that lets you know how they operate. Put aside the, yes but… she’s my mom, my father, my brother, my sister, my daughter, my son, my wife, my grandmother etc. etc. Put all that aside and say, yes but… she’s filled with ill-will, she’s vindicitive, and deceitful…. She’s a MALIGNANT NARCISSIST, and she is dangerous, and I need to protect myself.
Only when you can fully accept and understand the level of malevolence that malignant narcissists are capable of, will you be able to see them for what they are: EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
Words like mother, father, sister, and brother won’t even enter the equation and you will be able to defend and protect yourself from their irrational malice. Remember: a predator is a predator. If you don’t want to be attacked, don’t swim with the sharks.